DATE: 5/16/07

CONTACT: Deborah Thomason, (864) 656-5721; dthmsn@clemson.edu

WRITER: Diane Palmer, (864) 656-4741; spalmer@clemson.edu

Clemson professor suggests talk with children during tragedies

CLEMSON – When bad things happen, such as the recent shootings at Virginia Tech, adults worry that the children we care about will be affected.

What is a parent, teacher or other caring adult to do when disasters fill the airwaves?

“Don’t assume that the children don’t know about it,” said Deborah Thomason, Clemson Extension professor and Extension specialist. “They probably know more than you think if they know how to turn on the TV.”

Not talking about it does not protect children, Thomason explained.

“Let them know that it is okay to talk about unpleasant events,” she said.

“By listening to what they feel, you can find out if they have misunderstandings, and you can learn more about the support they need,” she said. “You do not need to explain more than they are ready to hear, but be willing to answer their questions.”

Tell young people if you feel afraid, angry or frustrated. It can help them to know others also are upset by the events.

Children may not be skilled with words, especially in relation to difficult situations, according to Thomason. Using art, puppets, music, or books might help them open up about their reactions.

They may also be afraid the same will happen to them.

“It is important to let them know that they are not at risk -- if they are not,” she said. “Try to be realistic as you reassure them, however.”

Children may also feel sad or angry. Let them express that full range of emotions. Support the development of caring and empathy. They may want to write a letter to someone about their feelings, get involved in an organization committed to assisting victims or preventing events like the one they are dealing.

“Parents should get involved with them,” said Thomason. “Children feel hope when they know that their parents or teachers are working to make a difference.”

Thomason said to remember these tips:

• Don’t assume that the kids don’t know about it.

• Be available to answer questions.

• Share you feelings.

• Help children use creative outlets like art and music to express their feelings.

• Reassure young people and help them feel safe.

• Support children’s concern for people they do not know.

• Look for feelings beyond fear.

• Help children find a course of action.

• Take action and get involved in something.

For more information, contact Thomason at (864) 656-5721 or dthmsn@clemson.edu.

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